The Gentle Voyeur

The blog files

2005-04-07T17:17:00.000+02:00

This doesn't look like a Blogspot blog, but we got it from the "blogs of note" section on the Blogger dashboard. Allegedly penned by Hollywood hottie David Duchovny, this blog tells the story of some boring ass movie that's coming out. Who cares what it says, picture Fox Mulder in his boxers, sitting on a hotel bed, blogging away! Could there be anything hotter? He's a blogger, just like we are! Except he has like, a million billion dollars and went to a fancy sex addict rehab with Kevin Costner (or not, that could just be a rumor.)

Pepsi Fridge and the hot latin birthday

2005-04-02T09:29:00.000+02:00

It's like the opening party scene from Less Than Zero, expcept it's only good looking, rich teenagers celebrating someone's birthday in a Latin country and a rented Pepsi fridge replaces the coke rails. The person who's 19th birthday it is must be either super beautiful, super rich or the best lay in the city because 400 people show up for their birthday and stay for about 12 hours, judging by these zillion photos

Synchronerdity

2005-03-30T07:40:00.000+02:00

Ah, yes. This is what the internet is all about. Close the blinds, pass the Entemann's and Mr. Pibb, and abandon all hope of ever touching the genitals of the opposite sex.

TORONTO ASSHOLE WATCH

2005-03-29T10:42:00.000+02:00

Mr Lopez has been having us read a great book in class by bell hooks, called The Will To Change: Men, masculinity and love , which, considering that I am only six years old, might seem beyond my comprehension, but Mr Lopez says that it is never to early to start understanding the patriarchy and it's effects on our lives and the lives of men and women that we love, and to do like the Buddha does and have active compassion to all people. Unfortunately, all of that goes out the window when I read things like this blog . Normally, on TGV, we try not to link to the blogs of the excessively ignorant, or assholes in general, but the blog of this slimy Canadian pussyhound who is currently plotting out new girls to fuck in the same post where he is complaining about having to pay for his girlfriends abortion was just beyond the pale.

No taste below the wasteland

2005-03-25T04:36:00.000+01:00

The most disturbing thing about this blog is not that this woman is completely detached from reality and has taken up residence in the United States of Nasty Panty Photos. It's that she teaches at a college. Apparently posting a blurry pic of your boob next to the midterm question is one of those experimental education methods that parents pay so much for. (Ooh, I ended a sentence with a preposition. Perhaps I need to see some labia.)

Your new vest friend

2005-03-23T04:30:00.000+01:00

Learning English on top of Korean proves to be mad tough, for our boy Cho but he is hanging in there, pontificating on world events, writing "America is a roudy (sic) who destroy peace of world" and in his editorial post entitled "japan is bad". Though the jury is still out whether this is a feminist treatise or an advocacy for his female friend to get plastic surgery to be prettier, so she can get a better job. I am only a 9 year old french boy, but, personally, I like my women au naturale...

Countdown to Baby Johnson

2005-03-23T03:40:00.000+01:00

Sorry pervs, it's not what you think. Baby blogs (blogs on which the parent reports on daily minutiae in the "voice" of the infant) were not enough. This overachiever has tapped the font of boringosity before the little bundle of joy has even shown us his/her pointy, cottage cheese covered head. Wife Micole is due to be induced in two days, so we're hoping to catch a video feed of the whole messy process.

The Cutesiest Little Portuguese Clip-Art Blog on the Web

2005-03-11T20:29:00.000+01:00

Do you dream of eating a coconut with the dj Daniel in 1918? Mitsou (aka Teresa) does. She also loves kittens and Billy Ray Cyrus. This blog is so sweet, machuca os meus dentes. (Mr. Lopez knows he is French, but he picked up a little Portuguese while teaching at a kindergarten in Rio.)

I'm a Negative Creep

2005-03-11T07:44:00.000+01:00

Mr Lopez always tells us in class about the power of the positive attitude. A cheerful demeanor will help us make friends, it will get us jobs when we are out of school, and it will help us overcome the obstacles ahead. Unfortunately, no one ever told this guy to turn that frown upside down, and thusly, you have the consumate blog of "the negative guy" - the guy who hates himself, hates you, possibly hates chinese people, hates his teachers, and hates himself for the hate, but will not let you ever try to talk uplifting sense into him. The good thing about being that guy is that you can always find a Florence Nightgale type girl who thinks all he needs is a little lovin' to turn that frown upside down. It's so true, I see it on Dr. Phil all the time after school.

Just Because No-Doz is Legal Doesn't Mean It's Good For You

2005-03-09T18:48:00.000+01:00

Sometimes it's not what you say on your blog, it's what you don't say. You know, that constant ticker tape of nonsense that flows through your mind as you're stuck in traffic, trying to come up with something interesting and compelling to blog. Well, here's an experiment in forgoing the interesting and compelling and embracing the ticker tape of nonsense.

Lifecycle of the teenage breakup

2005-03-08T09:45:00.000+01:00

The woe of a broken hearted 15 yr old boy in Sri Lanka is almost too much to bear, especially when he is detailing how much he identifies with the lyrics of Michelle Branch.

Wait, why don't you have a girlfriend?

2005-03-07T04:15:00.000+01:00

If you're going to take life advice from a blog, take it from the blog of a Trekkie who also just so happens to be the smartest Gap employee EVER. Come on, you know you wish you had the nuts to openly hate on Napoleon Dynamite.

The Year of Eating Dangerously

2005-03-04T04:43:00.000+01:00

I wish this was in english, because right now my theory is that she is documenting nothing but sponge cakes & deserts she made and little bowls of vomit.

This guy never reviews the food (except for Veselka, and everyone knows what the food at Veselka tastes like anyway), just snaps a picture and tells us what was in it and how much it costs. Further documentation that no one in New York ever actually eats at home.

As the social and personal life of this woman begins to unravel, she just starts posting pictures of meat kebabs and pizza.

WWSBD?

2005-02-28T01:38:00.000+01:00

Are you down on yourself over that fight with your girl? Or that hassle with the folks? Needing erotic food-raps written to the tune of Sir Mix A lot songs in praise of big girls? Take your queries no further than this young sage, Smooth Brotha , who thoughtfully shares his insights to romance and loving with the blogosphere.

Monks of New Rochelle

2005-02-23T22:10:00.000+01:00

This blog is a mystery
Both charming and
annoying
new age poems
and inside thoughts - flowing!
from a non-native english speaker
who frequents the library
in New Rochelle
and values every second
of life most completely
while loving and wishing love
for the total me
and the total you

Polyamory is the new bisexuality

2005-02-22T17:31:00.000+01:00

Aw, honey. If you have to start a blog detailing your love for anonymous sex, the fact that you think (and copulate) like a dude, the time you "dated" a guy but didn't kiss him for 4 months cause that's too intimate...we think perhaps you're protesting a bit too much. Pedigree and Boston upbringing aside, are you really that different from the Plano, TX native who tongue-wrestles her sorority sister in the hopes of winning a date with a horny frat boy?

Hello God, It's me the latent Christian horndog.

2005-02-20T06:37:00.000+01:00

In leiu of getting the boyfriend she has been praying for, she has focused her keen eye on the everlovin' grace of her #1 boo for life, a Jewish carpenter who hails from the Holy Land.

The only lonely white rapper in the whole dorm

2005-02-16T07:31:00.000+01:00

When you live in the asscrack of Canada, where there is nothing to do but hang out in your dorm, you go kind of crazy, you take fun anyway you can get it. So maybe you start a bad rap group with you friends, get high and listen to Mars Volta and ponder time-travel's effect on pregnancy, or film several episodes of police-buddy dramas with your friends in between classes just to kill the time.

Happy Belated Valentines

2005-02-16T07:13:00.000+01:00

Somewhere between a Hallmark card and liner notes to Lovesexy, - this blog. Plagerize this and seduce the cute-but-dumb prospect in your life... they will think yr totally deep... "time. it is both a good thing and a bad thing."

Superman Does Kuwait

2005-02-16T07:03:00.000+01:00

Thanks to my friend, Ben Fasman, a quiet but avid next-blogging friend from back in my kindergarten days in the rural french countryside... where we spent out time wandering through pastures, whiling away our lucid hours under the fir tree talking about the lost art of ESL blogging and whether or not there are dolphins in Kuwait .

STUPERBOWL

2005-02-10T08:21:00.000+01:00

The mustached bandito holding things down on the Fog Of Life Blog reports, with humility "I realize that this is completely self serving and of no interest to anyone but myself, but I wanted to capture my memories before I forgot them." Like that great memory of standing on a porch in a blazer? Like the football themed desert buffet at the Sports Illustrated pre- Super Bowl party in FL? Like that crazy face paint job you dog to go with your wig and yr 9:30 am Budweiser drunk day of the game? Well, thanks to blogspot, those memories will be seered into the memories of at least a dozen strangers as well!

The dumb-stick effect

2005-02-10T02:29:00.000+01:00

Okay, so the Qu'ran is clear on this? Dolphins yes, homosexuals no. P.S. The next time you try to get the hook up through the comment section, remember that everyone can read it.

Bursting the bubble

2005-02-08T05:34:00.000+01:00

This dude explains his "crazy" day ,where he becomes confounded by the strangeness of people he does not know saying hi to him. Has he only ever spent time around animals? Where could he possible be going to school and not know that most people on college campuses wearing tie dyed band shirts are generally on drugs, selling or buying drugs?

There's hope for you yet

2005-02-07T06:04:00.000+01:00

Jojo and I love photoblogs, especially ones that feature dudes with mullets wearing Zubaz and half-pretending to beat the shit out of each other. But the weirdest part is that the girls hanging out with these guys and doing the documentation are actually kinda hot.

I am the lie / I am the lie / the lie in the ointment!

2005-02-06T20:11:00.000+01:00

It's working. Everything that corpo-America, major advertising firms, movies that star J.Lo and Starbucks - all that they were working for is being achieved. Happiness as brand-identifying... loving Starbucks, shopping, the gym, pining for a rich husband to supply it all. Essentially, it's like Sex In The City, but set in a condo in Georgia.

OMG, I have no F-ing idea

2005-02-06T19:20:00.000+01:00

Do you think I'm sluty or supid? It's kind of a stacked question, isn't it? Quinn and Sydney have made bold debuts in the bLoGoSpHeRe, and we're expecting great things from these two. Note: reading these blogs probably won't dry up your SpiNaL flUId or make you think you're an oRAnGe, but it will cause cHEmIcaL BoNDs in your brain to separate and reform. You'll probably get sort of dYstHyMIc and become unable to hold a job or find your car keys. tHaTs hOt.

The Gentle Gay Matchmaker

2005-02-04T21:35:00.000+01:00

I hope most bloggers never, ever, never meet in real life, if only to prevent possible inter-blogger breeding. But what's it going to take to get this kid and this kid together?? If they meet, fall in love and have a gay wedding, Mr. Lopez and Jojo will send a lovely, tasteful gift.

URLS FOR STDS

2005-02-04T19:48:00.000+01:00

Saying you're passionate about Teens and STDS in yr blog-descriptor might give people the wrong idea. The whole time I was reading this deeply informative STD research & news blog, I could only think "Gonhorrea must have really impacted her life."

How NOT to ever touch a boob

2005-02-01T05:23:00.000+01:00

Tim was apparently having a hard time keeping the girls away, so he decided to start a blog for posting photos of his ratty-ass bachelor pad. Good job, Tim. No one with a vagina will get anywhere near you now.

Have beard, will travel.

2005-01-31T02:55:00.000+01:00

A man with a beard, A van he bought an ebay, A tiny dog, and their adventure to Pittsburgh that he somehow believes someone other than himself would like to check out

Haitian Divorce

2005-01-27T01:59:00.000+01:00

Few things are creepier and more unsettling than "Haitian Divorce" by Steely Dan. Few things are as potent for keeping you single, or casually fucking/dating as someone's divorce blog . I cannot imagine who might want to read someone's divorce blog, because when people get divorced, everyone from the dry cleaner to your cousins know the whole story.

Mr. Lopez en vacances

2005-01-26T06:35:00.000+01:00

While Mr. Lopez takes a brief teacher's holiday, you can enjoy the charming wit of Jojo and wonder why-oh-why on earth this lovely lady is still single.

Really, What is Beh doing?!

2005-01-25T06:19:00.000+01:00

This photo blog, also possibly a class project, or some sort of social club event, asks the impossible question "What is Beh doing?" -- I also want to know what is Beh doing? What are all thirty of those happy Chinese kids cooking in that crock pot? Why is the dude climbing over a fence in a kitchen? Why am I not hanging out with out with them?

The 'Wulf Attacks!

2005-01-25T06:15:00.000+01:00

If it's his class assignment to have a blog about Beowulf , does that mean that there are 30 other high school kids in Vancouver who also have blogs about Beowulf?

Statistically speaking, you're a cliche within a cliche.

2005-01-21T23:16:00.000+01:00

It's a joke without a punchline, it's the cruelest meta of the meta-meta. You are a lonely teenage boy, musing on a recent break-up in your online diary and listening to your favorite emo record, which is a diary-style confessional about breaking up. It's what everyone jokes emo is about, but you always sort of imagined that yr exaggerating somehow. But, no, it's true. I am really glad that Brand New is not so popular in France, I cannot imagine the havoc emo might wreak upon my young-male development.

These people are allowed to vote and drive

2005-01-21T05:04:00.000+01:00

Whatever did we do before the internet? You had to work in some low-skill cubicle farm or be related to people who held crappy potluck reunions or frequent public transportation to be lucky enough to hear someone narrate gross stories in the voice of her cat. Well, thanks to the invention of the information superhighway, the exploits of Nimbus the Cat are right at your fingertips.

Too cynical for God

2005-01-21T04:43:00.000+01:00

Good news for those of you who thought perhaps you might be the last person on Earth to ever get laid.

SNUFFY SMITH VS. MOMMA

2005-01-19T02:53:00.000+01:00

After a long, hard day of nextblogging and coming up with nothing but peppy freshman girls detailing why their hair was fluffy this morning, stumbling upon Big Al's breakdowns and meta-analysis of the 'actual humour' quotient in the daily-paper comics, Momma and Snuffy Smith, reminds us that next blogging is not just about snickering and feeling sorry for people all the time. Sometimes it is about discovering people you wish were stoned and sitting on your couch explaining the masonic links between Carl Sagan and Carls Jr. to you.

WHO ARE YOU?

2005-01-19T02:32:00.000+01:00

This is the question I ask when I look at this photoblog : who are you and why is your photoblog nothing but pictures of Third Reich hotspots of Europe, your jeep and your empty living room?

That crappy Eleventh Dream Day CD you forgot to sell for beer money has come to life and started a blog

2005-01-18T19:35:00.000+01:00

There are reasons for getting married and having children after you graduate from college. One of them is that fewer people want to choke you once you develop the ability to think about someone other than yourself. Another is that pictures of weddings and babies are far more crowd-pleasing than the ability to reference hackneyed indie-rock titles. Just a thought.

Cute Bambi Pixxx and Horny Buxxx!!

2005-01-17T21:20:00.000+01:00

North Midwest photoblog featuring Ranger Rick-style, quality wildlife shots and one of the lamest blog names we've seen. If you love nature and the woodland creatures, don't hesitate.

He's Just Not That Into You

2005-01-17T21:10:00.000+01:00

Giving your bf access to your blog as a contributor shows trust. But when he never posts and takes frequent trips out of town, and shows utter disregard for your life while taking you to an Outback Steakhouse...hell, just taking you to the Outback Steakhouse should be enough of a reason to give this commitment-phobe the boot. Wake up, Little Suzy.

Chicken Soup For the Blogreader's Soul

2005-01-14T23:26:00.000+01:00

Can you imagine how well adjusted you may have been if this woman had raised you. Her blog reads like an affirming Christian-goodness self help book, big upping kindness to strangers and never giving up on yourself.

What I did on my winter vacation

2005-01-14T23:21:00.000+01:00

That Sebastian kid is a real kiss up. I mean, it's one thing to like your teacher ( I love Mr Lopez and thats why we have a blog together), but it's another thing to tell your teacher than your class room blog is your favorite site in every post.

My guess is a bunch of stuff about fish and lepers

2005-01-13T06:28:00.000+01:00

You know what's crazy? Getting married and having kids. INSANE!! You know what's funnier than anything else? Bodily functions!! So sayeth the preponderance of mom blogs currently cutting the crusts off the internet. We've decided to bypass the obvious leader of this trend, instead devoting our (and your) attention to a lovely, well-meaning and refreshingly literate (points for paragraph use and proper spelling) Canadian mama.

SMASH THE PATRIARCHY WEDS. PT 2:

2005-01-12T21:40:00.000+01:00

I, Jojo, am all in favor of the revolutionary power of feminist love, and the possibility that you can dream big and use love to conquer the patriarchal dictates that said raising kids is womens-work, that men are supposed to be emotionally stunted wallets n' cocks, watch football and never have the full spectrum of emotional involvement and evolvement in this world. One single dad in Lisle, IL is living as an example of the possibilities offered in male-power paradigm shift. Keep you head up, Dan.

Smash the Patriarchy Wednesday

2005-01-12T18:39:00.000+01:00

He likes big, round women. Pregnant women, women who have just hit the all-you-can-eat buffet at the Old Spaghetti Factory, women in all stages of serious water retention. Women who forgo their thyroid medication to facilitate his fetish. So if you happen to have lost all self-respect, he'd love it if you'd chow some Taco Bell, wash it down with a super-size milkshake, put on your little sister's clothes and read his fantasies.

Connecticut residents demand mass property tax refund

2005-01-12T06:00:00.000+01:00

I don't have kids, you say. I don't own a home. I make minimum wage and live in a studio apartment and take public transportation. Why should I give two shits about education? My vote goes for later bar close and "legalizin' it." Okay, fine. Let these kids be your doctors and air traffic controllers. That's why we live in France.

My Heart is a Finicky Retard

2005-01-12T05:52:00.000+01:00

Carson McCullers he ain't. He can't even spell the title of his own blog. But the functionally illiterate among us may find a kindred spirit in this ADD afflicted Scorpio from Big Sky country.

I could enjoy saying many happy things about a blog!

2005-01-11T06:33:00.000+01:00

I love Naminosuke very much! How about you? I love Naminosuke because she makes me feel like the most petty, cynical, bitter, hateful American loser on the planet. However, I could learn that I should be more like Naminosuke.

"SHE KNOWS I HATE GRANDMA"

2005-01-10T22:06:00.000+01:00

You sometimes when you are driving through the grassy plains of a rural place, staring out at the mini marts and the strip malls and the outlet shopping buffet centers, you imagine the lives of the people who live in say, Central Iowa, and you shudder and are grateful for your big city life and it's option. This woman may almost make you jealous, but simply because of her attutide: she does not give a fuck. Mother of three, works nights at a bar, throws olives on the floor in disgust when the people at Taco Bell get her order wrong, dealing guns to her relatives, sleeping through the day and letting her kids get ready for school by themselves, linking to her vibrator, bitching about her period and usually hating her live in boyfriend and most of her extended family. Set aside an hour and soak it all in.

International Accessory Stratification, or, "Karma is a witch"

2005-01-10T17:47:00.000+01:00

Some people say Mondays are a bitch. Some people define "bitch" as a shallow, superficial, vacuous, self-obsessed woman. You can probably see where we are going with this... Enjoy these blogs before these two women grow up, get souls and learn to see the world as something other than a series of persons and events existing solely to inconvenience them.

Hjomo-Eyrtotikka

2005-01-08T22:40:00.000+01:00

Do. Not. FUCK. With. Finnish Dudes!

Nutmeg and Ass

2005-01-07T20:00:00.000+01:00

Already a featured link on The Morning News, this blog is frequently hi-larious and bursting with potential. Too bad HE LOOKS LIKE... relies mostly on comments from readers. Because the only people on Earth lamer and less interesting than bloggers are people who leave comments on blogs.

Erotic Dilbert

2005-01-07T03:13:00.000+01:00

One woman's life, as a 3000 panel Dilbert cartoon strip without the clever drawings , where she begs her obviously uninterested co-workers to not only read, but comment on her indulgent and sagacious blog. Suggested highlight: 12/07's "Things I Find Erotic". We all know that if you have a too accurate count of how many times you have banged someone in a utility closet, you are in a "numerous women in the Niagra Falls area" zone, and are clearly lying.

You totally suck

2005-01-06T17:59:00.000+01:00

Remember when you thought you were hot shit because you were about to win the spelling bee and that homeschool kid four years younger than you stepped in and whupped your ass? So you grew up and you got a blog and you were all like, eeeuuhh, come read my blog, it's so witty and intellectual. Yeah, well, Sophie has a blog and she is an infant. A crazy, obsessive, self-actualized, overachieving baby who is better than you.

THE SECRET LIFE OF YOUR DAD

2005-01-05T22:53:00.000+01:00

One of the common lures of blogging seems to be anonymous purging. Imagine accidentally disocvering that your dad's "secret" blog where he dishes all his pervy and disturbing notions. And that that blog is titled Love me or Blow me.

Smash the Patriarchy Wednesday

2005-01-05T18:45:00.000+01:00

This Wednesday, Mr. Lopez and Jojo will be wearing two-ply nitrile latex gloves, rain slickers and smashing the patriarchy from behind a plexiglass splatter guard. TGV is gonna look like a Gallagher concert today. Cause damn, is it slimy out there.

Chunk o Funk is a dude who actually managed to find a woman to accept his pervy seed and give birth to his (rather cute) baby. He repays this extraordinarily open-minded goddess by posting photos of her along with embarassingly intimate details of their sex life/lack thereof on the haven't-you-heard-about-a-bajillion-people-view-it-daily internet!! Oh, and he also uses his blog to trawl for on-the-DL tippity-tappity net sex. Charmant.

Would You Want Me When I'm Not Myself?

2005-01-05T04:39:00.000+01:00

Get to know Pav. As long as you don't have to take a test or operate heavy machinery for a while...
P.S. Annoy everyone you know by copying and answering the survey, then spamming them with it.

"What's New On The Music Scene?"

2005-01-05T04:28:00.000+01:00

Brien is a bio-med student, a frat man, a grounded, yet fun-loving Libra holding it down in the ATL. Most notably, he is a budding rock critic.